Feels like home
by Afterglow04
Summary: My version of 'The One That Could Have Been' so it's a slightly alternate universe. Major sap alert :p but please review!


_This is another version of 'The One That Could Have Been'. It focuses on Chandler and Monica, as this is written for the fanfiction challenge at Friends-Boards' Merge! Warning: major sap alert insert innocent face here_

_Against all odds, Chandler and Ross's band (Way! No way!) became really successful, which prompted them to be international stars at the age of 22. They've been selling millions of albums for the past 6 years, going on tours all around the world. _

_Monica lost a lot of weight after hearing a hurtful comment from her secret crush, Chandler. She went to college to graduate as a psychologist. She only sees her brother about twice a year at the usual holiday party so she isn't extremely close to him. _

_Phoebe's mother never killed herself, allowing her to have a normal life. She has her own massage place with a few employees, has been Monica's roommate for 2 years and actually gets along fine with her twin sister. _

_Rachel ended up, to everyone's surprise, marrying Chip Matthews and having little contact with her old friends. She occasionally meets up with Monica though as she doesn't live that far out of NYC._

_Joey lives across the hall from Monica and is on his way to becoming a well-known actor. He played in a few small movies that have started to put him on the map. _

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Friends characters and don't know or own any of the actors and actresses either. I didn't write the episode The One That Could Have Been, this is just another version, my view of an alternate universe if you will.**_

_**Feels like home**_

It was getting late as she rushed up the stairs, grocery bags in both hands. She entered the apartment and saw Phoebe excitedly decorating the Christmas tree. She turned around when Monica entered and greeted her while motioning to the big green tree that was standing in the corner, near the bedroom.

"So what do you think?" Monica started placing the dinner ingredients on the counter and then walked over to expect the tree. "I mean, I'm not finished yet of course. But since Thanksgiving is over and it's nearly December, I thought I could start decorating it already. You know, that and I was bored."

"It's…nice." She walked around it and raised her eyebrows a little. "I see that you changed the star I usually put on top."

"Yea, I didn't really like that other one. It had to many pointy things and I never really liked stars that much. Don't you think this shiny ball is much better?"

"It's kind of big…" Monica hesitated.

"That's so people would notice it right away."

"It's orange!"

"I rest my case." Phoebe simply stated.

"Alright, alright. We can leave it this way." Monica caved as she walked back towards the kitchen. "I guess it's not that bad and it's not like anyone ever comes over here for Christmas anyway."

"Speaking of which…what are your plans for Christmas? Are you going home to your family or…" She stopped and let her voice trail. Monica looked at her and tilted her head.

"I guess so. Though I don't really feel like meeting up with the folks and the 'only successful child of the family'," rolling her eyes, she continued, "and since I don't have anyone else to spend it with…"

"You could spend it with me!" Phoebe started jumping up and down.

"What do you mean? You always go home to your mom's, what about her and Ursula?"

"See, that's the thing. Ursula just moved in with her guru boyfriend and they wanted to spend the holidays alone this year. And Lucas called this afternoon. So my mom decided to go visit my nan in Florida, which means it's just me who's left."

"What did you say?" she put down the cookbook she was holding and looked at her best friend.

"That Ursula is mov – " Monica cut her off.

"Not that Pheebs, the middle part. What did you say?"

Phoebe shifted her left leg and then decided she wanted to sit down. "Lucas called?"

"Yes, when did he – I mean, what did he – what did he want?"

"He wanted to talk to you, what do you think? I figured I'd just throw it into the middle of my little speech and you wouldn't notice."

Monica sat down besides her and put her hands in her hair. "How long is he going to continue doing this? He probably knew I was at work and just called here so he could complain to you. About me."

"Mon, the guy just wants another chance. I mean, he calls here 50 times a day, he sends you flowers and cards and chocolates and, and more flowers. You have to admit he's really trying, that's sweet."

"That's stalking Phoebe!" She stood up again and started pacing around the table. "I told him it was over, he slept with another woman for crying out loud! And I made it perfectly clear at the beginning – and during – the relationship that I'm not a person who easily gives second chances. I mean, I give second chances all the time…but for cheating? I don't think so."

"Too bad, I was just starting to like him." She realised the moment she'd said it that she shouldn't have. Monica got that sad look in her eyes again just when she'd lost it after a month of being depressed.

"Yea well, things like these happen. I don't think my heart was completely in it anyway, it only lasted 4 months. Four months and already he felt the urge to cheat, ha! Men are weak."

"Finally, something I can agree on." Phoebe laughed. She decided to try and lighten the mood again. "So how 'bout that Christmas deal then? I'm single, you're single. We both don't want to or have no family to spend it with, we can make it all happy and you know sing songs and stuff."

Monica couldn't help but laugh at that last statement. She could just imagine the both of them sitting there, singing songs. She started on dinner as she complained to Phoebe about one of her patients who didn't seem to listen to her in any way. They weren't making progress and it was making her have doubts about her passion to help people. It wasn't the first time she'd had thoughts like this. Both her and Phoebe wished they could win the lottery and then Monica would have enough money to open up her own restaurant and Phoebe…well, she'd be able to use it for the things she wanted.

She loved being a psychologist and she had of course achieved many great things in her short career. But cooking had always been a passion of hers, especially ever since…and she never really knew what made her prefer psychology as a major. Just a different choice in life probably. They sat together for dinner before watching one of their favourite movies. Monica turned the tv off right before the late night news and covered Phoebe, who had fallen asleep on the couch, with a warm blanket before heading off into her room. She sighed contentedly as she snuggled up to her pillow, already thinking about what she would do on her day off tomorrow.

_If you knew how lonely my life has been _

_And how long I've been so alone _

_If you knew how I wanted someone to come along _

_And change my life the way you've done _

She woke up to the sound of the apartment door closing and she rubbed the remaining sleep out of her eyes. Slowly getting out of the bed, she decided it would be best to run some errands first, as Joey said he'd be coming over for dinner that night. He'd been busy working on some new drama movie so they hadn't seen that much of him lately. He hoped that this movie would finally get him more serious opportunities and the ability to work with some well-known directors. Monica just hoped he wouldn't become a total stranger once fame really kicked in, he'd proved himself a great friend of both Phoebe and herself.

She quickly ran into Central Perk to take in her usual doses of coffee and stopped at a few other places before heading back towards her building. She knocked briefly before opening the door to Joey's apartment and stepping inside.

"Hey Joey, dinner tonight is at 7, so if you want to…" Her breath caught in her throat when she saw who was sitting at the counter, casually drinking a soda. He gave her a small smile while looking at her intently.

"Hey" was all he softly said.

Joey came out of his room at that moment and smiled when he saw Monica standing there. "Hey Mon! Look who I found sitting at your doorstep this morning." He pointed to Chandler as if it wasn't obvious already who he meant.

"Sitting at my doorstep?" she repeated questioningly.

He looked a little embarrassed and ran a hand through his hair. "Yea, it was about 2 hours ago. You weren't home, so Joey saw me sitting there and when I told him I knew you…he invited me in for a drink."

"Let me guess," she said, "he didn't recognise you?"

"No actually, he didn't. Which is one of the reasons I instantly liked him." Chandler joked, looking at Joey who had a confused look on his face.

"Well, I hadn't met you before and it took me awhile to recognise you. You look different on tv man. And had it not been for all the hoopla, I probably wouldn't have known you even after you your name." Joey added sheepishly.

Now it was Monica's turn to shoot him a weird look. "What hoopla?"

"Haven't you read the paper yet? It's like on every front page." He started to make a sandwich and handed her a drink in the process. "Or the news last night? They actually interrupted some entertainment show because it was 'breaking news'."

She directed her gaze at Chandler, but he was staring intently at the floor, twisting the bottle in his hand round and round. Joey had figured out by now that Monica was clueless about the current events and continued in a quieter tone.

"He left the band." Four words, only four words and they made Monica's eyes grow wide and look at Chandler with a shocked expression. He lifted his head to meet her gaze and she couldn't read his eyes.

Joey started to feel a little uncomfortable with the two of them just staring at each other, and excused himself to go take a shower. Neither of them seemed to want to take the initiative to say something. She figured he wasn't planning on elaborating Joey's statement so she cleared her throat cautiously.

"So how long are you in town for?"

"Indefinitely I guess. I'm going to try and find a place to stay in the city and then…I don't know, I'll see how things go from there." He watched her reaction but she was playing with one of the ladles. "I'm sorry for showing up here, unexpected. But you were the only one I knew here and I – I really wanted to see you again." He took a small sip of his soda. "It's been awhile."

"Yea, it sure has." She smiled and stood up, taking her grocery bags back in hands. "We're having dinner at my place tonight, if you want to come."

He was surprised by her invitation and looked at her thankfully. "I'd like that, thank you."

She opened the door to leave, "Dinner's at 7, tell Joey not to be late".

As soon as she entered the familiarity of her own living room, she sunk down onto the couch and let out a long sigh. What on earth brought him here, to her? Sure she may be the only person he knew in the city but still…they had grown apart over the years and when she visited her parent's house on Thanksgiving, he never said much. They usually saw each other about once or maybe twice a year when she saw her brother and that was it. She couldn't believe he actually left the band…she figured it wouldn't be too long before the media found out where he was hiding and they'd probably camp out in front of her building. Still, she searched her mind to find a reason of why he could be here, but didn't find one.

Granted, they had been close for the two years they were in college together, prior to the guys' success. But that was nearly 6 years ago without as much as a phone call in the beginning. Eventually Monica had given up too, thinking she probably just bothered Chandler and his busy schedule. She'd been shaken up about it a few weeks – months even, because she'd felt as though she had lost a great friend. And then graduation came, the start of a whole new life with new friends. She'd gotten to know Phoebe and later on Joey, who turned out to have a crush on her when he moved in across the hall. But they had always kept it friends only, there were no other feelings there from her side.

She lifted her knees up under her chin, contemplating Chandler's unexpected arrival a little more. It must've been something in particular that brought him back here, to New York. It was strange he didn't go to his mom in Chicago or maybe even his dad in Vegas, at least they were relatives. It was only then she realised that she had just left him there at Joey's, who he didn't even know all that well seeing as though they'd never met. She quickly got up walking towards the door as Phoebe made her entrance.

"Hey. You would not believe the terrible morning I had. Debbie? That new masseuse I just hired? She decided to try a new technique on one of my regulars and now she's sent him away forever. Apparently she inflicted so much pain on him that he had to go to a doctor to help him get rid of it." She plopped down on a kitchen chair and put her head in her hands.

"Did you fire her?" she asked sympathetically.

"No. I wanted to at first but then I couldn't. I mean, she's really a nice person and I just…ah, I don't know. Maybe I'm just not suited to be a 'boss type person' you know?"

Monica smiled and stroked her arm. "I think you're just a very nice person Pheebs. And it's good that you gave her a second chance sweetie, it might not happen again."

"Ah well, we'll have to see. I don't have to go in this afternoon so…you want to do something? Hang out? We could call Rachel, since it's been awhile we were all together."

"Oh actually, we have dinner tonight, so I'm going to get started on that this afternoon. As it turns out we have an extra guest so I was thinking about making something special."

"Ok," Phoebe said absentmindedly while going through her mail. She noticed the red light blinking on their answering machine and went over to press the button.

"Hey you've reached Monica and Phoebe's. We're either not home or screening our calls, but we'd appreciate it if you left us a message after the beep."

Ross's voice filled the room as Monica turned around, alarmed at the tone of his voice.

"Monica, it's Ross, are you there? Pick up if you're there this is important. Ok, could you call me back when you get this message, it's just that –" there was a pause and she walked closer to the phone, "Chandler took off. I don't know if you've heard it on the news or anything, Lord knows how they found out already but…I'm just wondering where he went so if you hear from him, can you get him to call me? I mean, I knew he'd been having these thoughts for awhile now but his decision just seemed so abrupt and so I wanted to know if anything else triggered it or if something happened.... Anyway, just call me back will ya? Thanks, bye."

There was a click and silence ensued. Phoebe came to a still right beside her and looked at her questioningly.

"He took off?"

Monica sighed. "Yea, he's over at Joey's as we speak but uh-," she anticipated Phoebe's next question and raised her hands, "that's all I know."

She walked back over to the kitchen and started placing bowls and other necessities on the counter.

"Chandler's the one you got along with really well in college right? The one-"

"Yea," Monica cut her off. "Although I have no idea why he's here."

"Mmm, I might have some inspiration.." Phoebe murmured to herself.

She left Monica to her cooking business, knowing better than to distract her with this subject while she was busy. It wasn't until around 5.30pm they heard a knock on the door and Phoebe rose from her comfortable spot on the couch. She opened the door to see Chandler standing on the other side, smiling widely at her.

He extended his hand. "Hey, I'm Chandler."

"Oooh you sure are." Phoebe grinned seductively and gave him a small wink.

"Umm, Monica's told me a lot about you actually, so it's nice to finally meet you in person."

"Well, Chandler…it's nice to meet you too and I can safely say the same. Monica talks about you all the time".

Monica swooped in behind Phoebe, slightly steering her away from the door. "Hahaha, aww that Pheebs, she cracks everyone up."

She started to retreat to the kitchen when she noticed him shifting uncomfortably. He seemed reluctant to walk in and she saw that he was holding some flowers. She looked at him, a little smile playing on her lips.

"Don't tell me those are for me?" She pointed to the freesias which he seemed to have temporarily forgotten about.

"Oh! Yea of course they are." He handed her the bouquet before going on, "I mean, what kind of a guest would I be if I didn't bring anything for the hostess?"

The last comment made Monica glow a little as she motioned for him to step inside. She observed him for a moment while he shrugged out of his jacket. He seemed different somehow.

"You didn't have to bring me anything Chandler. I can't believe you remembered what my favourite flowers are. And I must say, you sure followed my order when I said 'be on time'".

"Ah I know, but I figured I might just come over a bit earlier and you know, actually see where you live."

"Oh that's right, you've never been here have you?"

This prompted Monica to give him her exclusive tour of the apartment, with a little comment accompanying each room. Phoebe decided it was time to go across the hall and say hello to Joey to give the pair some time to get reacquainted. She hadn't missed the obvious change in Monica's demeanour as soon as Chandler had entered the room. She had seen that happy twinkle in her eyes and Phoebe couldn't even recall when she'd last seen Monica happy or anywhere near it.

The hour and half left before dinner seemed to fly by as they both talked about her being a psychologist now, but still dreaming of opening up her own restaurant and how her mother still drove her crazy most of the time.

It almost appeared as if time had rewound itself to when they were both in their early twenties, having fun at college. She recognised her old friend again, the one who could crack a joke and would make a whole room laugh even if they didn't want to. They reminisced about the 'good old day' as Chandler affectionately called them and it wasn't until the clock struck 7.30pm Monica jumped up because she'd forgotten all about the food.

"If it's already 7.30…then where are Phoebe and Joey? I told him that it was at 7." Chandler said while Monica was frantically putting things in the oven.

"I don't know,'" she pondered that question for a moment, "even if Joey forgot, Phoebe knows she was supposed to be back by now. It's been 2 hours."

Chandler poured some wine for the both of them as she wrapped up the final things of their dinner. She decided not to waste the food and just start without Phoebe and Joey. They had checked across the hall, but neither of them had been there.

During dinner, their conversation kind of fell silent. Monica was beginning to think that her friends hadn't accidentally forgotten about dinner, nor were they late. She suspected that they were conveniently stuck somewhere else, so that she and Chandler could have some alone time. She should've known that Phoebe would do this, she knew everything about her. And it couldn't have been too hard to get Joey to play a part in her little plan too.

Chandler on the other hand got quiet because he saw Monica was absent. She was there at the table, but her mind was obviously somewhere else. They did the dishes together – still in complete silence – and then took their wine and moved to the couch. They started watching some old '80s movie that was on, but Monica shifted position to reach the remote and turned it off. She sighed and sat indian style on the couch so that she was now facing Chandler.

She was about to say something when he beat her to it. "This is it, isn't it?" he said with a nervous hint in his voice.

"This is what?" she asked, genuinely confused.

"The final conversation – or whatever you'd like to call it. I mean, we've successfully avoided the subject all day but in the end…we probably have to discuss it."

"Ok…," she frowned her eyebrows and continued, "I honestly don't know what you're talking about but…I didn't feel like watching that and I was hoping, you know, that we could talk some more. Because I eh – I really had a great time tonight." She gave him a small smile, wanting to making him feel more at ease.

He returned the favour. "I know, I've really enjoyed myself too. Thank you for inviting me over for dinner." In an impulse moment, he gently took her hand but immediately regretted it and let go when he saw her eyes flash down to his hand on hers.

"Sorry." he quickly said. He nervously ran a hand through his hair again.

"No, no, don't apologise. It's just – ah, it's just frustrating Chandler. I mean, I don't really know what to think right now. You show up here after about 6 years of no calls, no cards, no letters…I mean, even when I saw you at Christmas last year, you seemed so distant. You were nothing like the Chandler, one of my best friends, that I knew in college. I've seen that Chandler again tonight, but I thought he was gone." She lifted her head to see his reaction.

"I know, you have no idea how horrible I felt. Why else do you think I couldn't talk to you like I used to anymore? I was ashamed Monica, I was actually ashamed of myself and the way I'd behaved. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for not keeping in touch with you after the band became a success. I don't even know why I didn't. I mean, at first it really was because I was so busy and tired all the time and then one month became two and two became three and then…I didn't have the guts to reply to you after all that time."

"Chandler, do you realise that that wouldn't have mattered to me? I would've been glad to just hear something from you. Anything to know that you hadn't forgotten about me."

"Well, I realise that now. But I'm a different person than I was then, I've changed a lot. I've had some bad experiences, but I truly believe that I learnt from each of them and in the end…I hope I'm a better person because of them. And I could never, ever forget about you Monica." He added while looking her in the eyes.

"That's my point exactly - I mean, tonight was great. I spent the entire evening in the company of the friend that I knew. But the way we left things before you and Ross left college – I, I didn't know whether that even meant something to you or if it was just a spur of the moment thing and I was the only girl there."

"Mon, how can you say that?" he softly asked with an incredulous look on his face, "I admit that those weren't really the ideal circumstances to -. But if you're asking me if I regret kissing you that night well…I don't. I absolutely don't, that was one of the best decisions I'd made in my life up to that point and I'm not sorry I did it. Of course it meant something."

Although she really didn't want to smile yet because she felt there was more to come, she couldn't help herself and let her face break out into a small grin. She looked at him supportively and encouraged him to go on.

"So I'm sorry, but you know that I have to ask the crucial question at some point." She left a small pause and he directed his gaze at the black tv screen. "What made you come back?"

"You". That was all he thought was necessary as an explanation. A simple statement that sent chills up and down Monica's spine.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you during these years and God, I missed our friendship, having someone like you around. Not just the friendship though…I often wondered what would have happened between us had I not gone away like that and if I had graduated from college and lead a somewhat normal life."

"Do you still wonder now?" she quietly asked.

"Yes, I do. Especially after the great evening we just had and how at times it even seemed as if nothing had changed, you know? You were my best friend in college Monica, you were the one I could actually tell everything to, even stuff that your brother wouldn't understand. So that's basically why I came back. It all sort of comes down to you."

There was that hand through the hair again. That was definitely a nervous habit.

"Why me though?" she hesitantly asked. "You are a man who's been and who's known all over the world, I can only imagine how many women would throw themselves at your feet willingly for just a look from you. You can surely get any girl you want, why me?"

He took in a breath before softly going on. "Because…you were the one that always assured me that I wasn't a complete loser when we were in college. This is about how you were the only one who knew about my father and what his real "job" was. This is how when we talk to each other, you actually listen to what I'm saying without complaining about _having_ to listen. This is about when we went on tour across the country or anywhere in the world, I made sure I always had a picture of you with me so that I would at least remember how beautiful you are."

He sighed and continued to look her straight in the eyes. "Because you were the first person in over 24 hours who didn't immediately ask me _why_ I had left the band and showed up at your doorstep. And you even invited me to dinner, no questions asked, even though it had been 6 years."

She took one of his hands in hers when she noticed he was twisting at the hem of his shirt. "And I may not know exactly where this is going to lead or even _if_ you still want it to lead somewhere but…I owed it to the both of us to come here and tell you that."

She gently stroked his hand with her thumb and moved a little closer. He seemed hesitant at first, not really daring to lean in to her. When his lips finally landed on hers, she moved her hand up to his cheek and softly caressed it as she deepened the kiss. She tried to ignore the somersaults her heart was making and finally, after what seemed about 5 minutes, they pulled away and stared at each other.

She cast her eyes downward, suddenly feeling self-conscious under his intense stare. "So what do you say we watch the rest of that movie and just figure out the rest tomorrow? There's probably still a lot of things to talk about but…not now. You can sleep here if you want…"

"I think that's the best offer I've had in years", he smiled.

She flicked through the channels in search of the movie again while he put his arm on the back of the couch. She got comfortable, leaning her head on his shoulder, gazing at the television. Chandler preferred watching her instead of the movie, as he was thinking about how this was what he wanted. Contrary to people's beliefs there wasn't some ambiguous reason for why he left. This was it. Just being next to her and feeling at ease. After about 5 minutes, she could feel him looking at her and he whispered: "You know what?"

"What?" she answered without looking up.

"This feels like home", he said and lowered his arm so that it was now enveloping her.

His comment made her look up at him and smile. "I'm glad." was her simple reply and she gave him a soft, lingering kiss on the lips.

_If you knew how much this moment means to me _

_And how long I've waited for your touch _

_If you knew how happy you are making me _

_I never thought that I'd love anyone so much…_

**Fin.**

_Umm ok. I warned you all about the major sap didn't I? A review would be much appreciated, since you just might make my day. But even if you hated it, please don't hesitate to tell me so. I actually had a lot of trouble writing this one, since I thought it could've possibly been a multi-chaptered story. But seeing as though it was written for a contest, I decided not to do that ) So if the ending seems weird or rushed or anything, maybe it was just because of that. _

_The song lyrics I used are from Chantal Kreviazuk's song 'Feels like home'. _


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